Updated: Jul 25
Picture yourself as the proud owner of a charming, colorful garden. Blooming flowers, lush greens, chirping birds – a little paradise. Now, imagine if every Tom, Dick, and Harry decided to trample over your garden, pick your flowers, or ruin your patch of tomatoes. Not so peaceful now, is it? Well, beautiful souls, that’s exactly what happens when you don’t set healthy boundaries in with your relationships.
Welcome to the exciting, often overlooked world of ' Healthy Boundary Setting: In Your Relationship'. But before we dive in, let's clear the air. No, setting healthy boundaries doesn’t make you mean or selfish. It makes you smart. It’s like being a skilled gardener of your life, deciding who gets to enter your garden, what they can touch, and how long they can stay. Time to pick up those gardening gloves, eh? So Let Me Ask you This ....
How do you allow yourself to develop at your own pace?
Let's first tackle the often-feared, frequently misunderstood weed in our garden - 'Saying No.' Now, 'No' might seem like a pesky, unwanted weed. After all, it’s not as pleasing as 'Yes,' it doesn’t make you popular.
But here's a plot twist: 'No' is not a weed; it's a vital plant in your garden. It protects your garden, it sets the boundaries, it keeps the unwanted elements out.
Saying 'No' is not about slamming doors; it’s about closing them gently. It's not a barrier; it's a healthy set boundary. It's your way of telling the world, "This is my space. Please respect it."
So, the next time you hesitate to say 'No,' remember, you're not being rude; you're being real. You're not just planting a 'No'; you're nurturing a 'Yes' to your peace.
Now that we've welcomed 'No' into our garden, let's talk about the vibrant, lively, sometimes intimidating plant - 'Asking for What You Need.' It's like that sunflower in your garden, bold, bright, impossible to ignore. It makes a statement. It’s you proclaiming, "This is what I need. Can you provide it?"
When was the last time that you actually understood your own emotional register?
'Asking for what you need' is not demanding; it’s stating. It's not forcing; it’s expressing. It’s an open dialogue, an invitation to understand you better. So, the next time you feel hesitant to ask for what you need, remember, you're not being a burden; you're being brave. You're not being pushy; you're being proactive. So, plant that sunflower, let it shine, let it be seen, let it be heard.
And if you're not even consciously mindfully aware of it, it could have quite an impact on your child, on your partner, on the people around you.
With our garden blooming, let's talk about the essential garden fence - 'Respecting Others' Boundaries.' This fence protects not just your garden but also the gardens around you. It’s your way of acknowledging, "This is your space. I will respect it." Setting healthy boundaries in your relationships, creates that "knowing" deep within you, that you are valued and you are expecting respect from those you love and care for.
Respecting others' boundaries is not restricting; it's reciprocating. It’s not a limitation; it's liberation. It fosters understanding, cultivates respect, and builds stronger relationships. So, the next time you encounter someone's boundary, don’t take it personally. See it as a sign of their self-awareness, a testament to their strength. Admire their garden from the other side of the fence, respect their boundaries, just as you'd want yours respected.
As you step into this vibrant garden of boundary setting, remember, it's not a one-time task. It's a journey, an ongoing process, a constant evolution, it's healthy. The same way you respect the food eaten, the energy received from this food, the exercise needed to keep your body in sync, these boundaries you set today might change your tomorrow. The 'No' you plant now may turn into a 'Yes' later. Your sunflower of needs might grow, wilt, or transform. And that's okay. Your garden is a reflection of you. As you grow, it grows. As you change, it changes.
Setting healthy boundaries is not a sign of pushing people away; it's a beacon attracting the right ones towards you. It’s not a fortress of solitude; it's a sanctuary of peace. It's not about building walls; it's about setting bridges, bridges that connect your true self to the world, in the most authentic, respectful, and peaceful way possible.
As you venture on this exciting journey of boundary setting in your relationship(s), always remember the words of poet and philosopher Khalil Gibran, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness." I absolutely love this great Philosher, and will even be using some of his wise words at my son's wedding soon.
So, let there be spaces, let there be healthy boundaries set. You're not just allowing yourself to find peace; you're giving others the map to find theirs.
So, pick up those gardening gloves, start planting those 'Nos,' nurture your sunflowers of needs, and build those fences of respect. Let your garden of life bloom in the vibrant hues of peace, respect, and authenticity. You are the gardener of your life. You decide the boundaries. You find your peace.
And so I want you in the next week to start to be self-aware.
And when you do that, you remove weakness from not paying attention and you feel stronger because you send energy towards achieving that best version of yourself.
How do you also step into that energy?
You focus and align and you ask inside yourself?
Am I ready? To understand my own emotion? I need to remain calm when I do this.
So if I've had an argument with Trevor or if I had an argument with my sister or my son, I need to just stay calm because when I'm in a calm alignment with my own heartbeat, ▪ it doesn't allow impulsive behavior to drag me down into these spiraling thoughts, which I'm sure all of us have.
Then I can motivate my mindset. I can have that ability to guide and drive myself.
So motivation allows me to set my intention to bring calm and balance into any situation and persist and don't step back on myself, keep pushing towards my boundaries.
And if somebody steps over the boundary, put them back where they belong.
So what around you, whether it's location, (where you're living), your circumstances, your work, love for self, love for partner, love for life, what motivates you?
Because if you can't answer that question, it's a question that's very important for you to really think about.
When you give yourself permission to feel, which is how you align.
You're then able to recognize the emotions of others doesn't necessarily have to have an impact on your own emotions.
So you can be empathetic towards them. You can feel how you think they feel.
But unless you're in their shoes, you really don't know how they feel.
So you can build a positive relationship by cloaking your own energy and becoming the listener, but not taking on somebody else's burdens.
When you feel, when you're mindfully aware of how you're feeling, does the feeling belong to you or is it a feeling that is being put onto you from somebody else's mindset?
And that's a question you can ask yourself moving into this next week.
Don't judge yourself and definitely don't have resistance to stepping forward in the coming week and standing your ground or making an impact on yourself to know when to say stop the bus and to know when to invite people to step in or step out of your cycle, your mindset cycle.
If you work with people, remember all of us are different and unique, all of us are lessons to one another. If you're continuously trying to heal your relationship, heal your career, heal, then is it that you're resisting, which means that sometimes you have to make a different choice because that's something that you need to consciously be strong enough to make.
I want you to know that you are always enough moving into this week ahead.
And I want you to know that you were chosen as the asset of your soul the same way as you choose your house that you buy or your car that you buy or your studies that you take on, but you still have to pay for them.
You are creating assets for your physical journey.
Your soul has given you this beautiful physical version of you as your own asset.
So I want you to think about some of these points and if you need to get in touch, remember, we can always do 1 to 1 training or we can get you involved at group coaching.
You are always welcome to be in a community of accountability and like-minded beautiful souls who are trying to understand ourselves from a much deeper, more impactful place.