Updated: Aug 1
I can’t believe that Trevor and I started going out this time 40 years ago! Time really does fly when you’re having fun! I have had fun times, sad times, frustrating times, fruitful times and everything in-between with Trevor at my side.
Our relationship has been tested with family & friends, over time, a few children thrown in, passion and intimacy, laughter and talking, understanding each other and listening, feeling for one another, joy and arguments, respect and chemistry. I think we’ve been through many of the common relationship problems that today’s relationships might suffer and over time learnt different ways on how to fix them.
The ingredients of a solid relationship includes everything mentioned above, and let me tell you something, the mix of them all has seen us through many happy and tough times in our life together, helping us grow and appreciate each other that much more, so there’s no better time to share with you what I have learnt.
Why do I feel the need to share, because I have had so many beautiful souls through the past 29 years ask me for what is my magic formula; A common relationship problem is long term relationships and steering our way through fixing them. Some might say Trev and I, have the perfect marriage / relationship. I do believe by using “energy and your emotional balance”, it goes a long way to expecting what you really want in your relationship. I have from day one of meeting Trevor, and maybe that’s half the battle, using your energy to stay in check with your feelings, to receive what you know you want!
I’ve seen so many positive outcomes from these 3 hacks I’m going to share with you. Many beautiful souls have sent me so many messages of “Thanks” for reminding them that they can improve their relationship by using their energy as a tool. That is their imagination, their expectation and imaging a picture in their heart and mind of where the relationship needs to be driven. One of the most common relationship problems is losing sight of why we are in the relationship to begin with. We get lost in the everyday chit chat of our mind controlling the narrative!
Remember if you can’t TRUST you can feel happy in your own relationship, then this is the energy you are sending out, expect to receive a reply. Change the energy to create a better outcome.
P.s. After 40 years, Trevor is still my heartbeat, each day my mantra is “How Good Do We Get” and sure enough like a good bottle of wine, we get better and better! (PS there is no such thing as bliss in a long term committed relationship, it is work, but all for the purpose of “love”). We laugh every day, I still get excited to see him come home, we eat at the table and talk, hot tub and have cocktails to 80’s music, we live a very happy “us” life. If I can share one hack below that helps you on this journey to alignment in your relationship, I will be ever grateful. Try one or all of them, you won’t look back!
Hack #1: Set Your Love Co-ordinates to the Land of Compromise!
Let’s face it, you have your own way of filling the dishwasher or doing your dishes, even something this basic, can sometimes feel like solving a Rubik's Cube while juggling flaming swords – it's intense! Daily chores is one of the main common relationship problems and it's so important that we start off in our relationship by knowing how to fix them.
Imagine this: You’re coming down for a cuppa on a beautiful tranquil morning. The chirping birds outside the window are singing praises of your excellent mood today. Your heart is open and suddenly you hear banging, clanging from the kitchen, as your partner is piling dishes in and out of the dishwasher, cramming as much in as possibly can be crammed in. Your heart starts to beat a bit faster, with each step, your frown appears, the bird stop singing and suddenly, you ready to launch yourself?
What if the knives are in the wrong way, the plates aren’t soaked before? Panic sets in, and it’s very easy to just tell your partner to leave the dishes, and take on this basic chore ourself, because we think we do it better. Remember that chores build up over time, this is what you are inviting into your daily routine! Pay attention. Truth, does it make you smile? I hope so!
When time is stolen, relationships suffer. So learn this today, we are different people, brought up with different circumstances. It can’t be all one way or the other. Compromise is Key! Let your partner do it their way and appreciate that you have extra time to do something more for yourself.
So, how do we make the leap from frowning over the dishwasher to smiling at each other over breakfast?
The secret, my beautiful soul, is the mighty land of compromise. Now, this isn’t a boring, "give up your dreams" kind of compromise. No, this is a courageous, "let’s meet each other halfway" kind of compromise. It's a pledge that you're in this together and will navigate the tumultuous sea of dishwasher etiquette, hand in hand!
If you can start with something as simple as a household chore to learn when to compromise, the bigger issues will get resolved sooner. When compromise becomes a constant in your relationship, you'll find that happiness comes in buckets, not just mere droplets!
P.s. remember this could be your teenage children, your elderly parents, your sister, your housemate too. If you have never expected the positive outcome to happen, you will continue to struggle through feeling frustration, annoyance and all those not so healthy emotions. Change your expectation today!
Hack #2: Ignite the Communication Fireworks!
So, the great news is that you've packed your bags and headed to the land of compromise. I am so happy to hear this! It takes courage but will be well worth it! But how do you navigate your way through the rugged terrains and marshy plains of this strange new land? A compass, you say. Good try, but no. The answer is - 'Communication'!
Communication is the reliable GPS guiding you on your happiness quest. It helps you express your needs, desires, fears, and, yes, even your pet peeves about basic household chores and much much more!
But remember, communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s also about listening. So, go ahead, be a master wordsmith, but also aspire to be a pro listener. Listen to understand, not just to respond. Listen like you’re solving the grandest mystery of all time – because understanding your partner is precisely that.
Use 'I' statements instead of 'you' to avoid sounding confrontational. Say, "I feel unheard when we talk about taking our relationship to the next level" instead of, "You never listen to me!" Through crystal-clear communication, your relationship can burst forth in a dazzling display of joy and satisfaction! It will take practise and again that word “courage” to realise your values and stand by them, but communication is key. When communication fades, love or respect goes out the window. Keep speaking up, have a point of view, be gentle, listen wisely and find the balance.
Hack #3: Woo with the Magic Wand of Appreciation!
Ever dreamt of having a magic wand that could instantly make your relationship happier? Well, welcome to the realm of reality where such a thing exists. It's called 'Appreciation'.
Regularly express gratitude towards your partner. Praise them for their kindness, patience, and yes, even their attempts at improving dishwasher etiquette. Everyone desires recognition, so sprinkle it liberally, and watch as their face lights up in the warm glow of appreciation.
Also, learn your partner's love language - words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. Speak their language of love and watch them swoon over you again and again!
What is intimacy if it isn’t feeling the touch of your loved one or touching them with such love and gratitude that the energy is exchanged and returned. Try it, you might find you really start to enjoy yourself and improve your relationship in the throes of the touching …
Let's wrap up this relationship extravaganza with a quote from the famous wordsmith, William Shakespeare - "The course of true love never did run smooth."
Relationships are challenging, there's no denying that. But with these three hacks - compromise, communication, and appreciation - you're well equipped to weather any storm that might dare to disturb your voyage towards relationship bliss.
Remember, perfect relationships don't exist, but happy ones do! So, embark on your journey to the land of everlasting bliss, where dishes and basic household chores, won't lead to fights, and every day ends with a loving goodnight!"